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Spoiled Children

I asked myself today, "Do spoiled children actually exist?"

I know that we, as parents, want to avoid, that, but considering how few spoiled children I've seen (none in recent memory), I'm beginning to think that they're legendary creatures.

Partly, I think that spoiled children are a term of authoritarian culture, and that authoritative culture sees the issue differently. "Spoiled children" mostly makes sense when the authority demands conformity to the authority.

As for "doing everything that the kid wants", what parent can do that? Most of aren't rich enough to say yes to everything even if we are permissive liberal wimps. We have no choice but to say no on things, and in that, we have a practical, real-world brake on most spoiling. Perhaps if I was rich I could spoil my child, but only if I'm rich.

I now put "spoiling children" into the same realm as werewolves and vampires: horror stories for parents.

Comments

blueeowyn
Feb. 27th, 2017 10:04 pm (UTC)
Do spoiled children actually exist? [...] I'm beginning to think that they're legendary creatures

Are spoiled children usually if not always a product of parent problems? Yes, I think they are. Parents who won't/can't say No to their children and don't believe in making their children suffer consequences of their choices are (in my opinion) spoiling the children.

Or are you saying that the only time a child is "spoiled" is if they never hear no and I believe that all parents will eventually say no if at least to prevent the child from killing/maiming itself (one of the parents I mentioned did tell the child no when the child was reaching towards a burner).
dacuteturtle
Feb. 28th, 2017 01:25 am (UTC)
In my observation, "spoiling" is a judgement, by an observing that someone else is spoiling or that someone else is spoiled, and these people are usually authoritarian by nature, such as yourself. Non-authoritarians don't think in terms of spoiled at all.
blueeowyn
Feb. 28th, 2017 12:40 pm (UTC)
So, your tenet is that if someone expects someone else to conform to the rules of society that they are authoritarian and further that only authoritarians can see a child as spoiled?

The way you are phrasing things is implying to me that:
1) You see no spoiled children
2) Since you see none, you believe that they don't exist
3) When others see them/comment on them the others are authoritarian
3a) Because they are authoritarian they see a problem that does not exist.

Given that authoritarianism implies tyranny and absolute obedience, I don't think that it is the best word to use.

You would say that children who hit or bite others, who won't clean up their toys, who expect dinner to be left at their door, etc. are "parent problems". If the behaviors are acceptable, why are they problems? If they are not acceptable, why not and why parent problem rather than parent spoiling the child?