Douglas Milewski (dacuteturtle) wrote,
Douglas Milewski

A Dragons: Race to the Edge story

My daughter asked for a Dragon's Race to the Edge story last night. I like it so much, I'm writing it down for everyone to see.

Snoutlout and the Cesspit

The Chieftain patted Snoutlout on the back. "My boy, for providing such a fine example to your peers and your elders, I'm giving you a reward. Yes, nothing but the best for you." Stopping at the cesspit behind the village, the Chief pointed. "As a special privilege, you get to clean this out. And it better get done, or I'll give you an even better reward next time."

Snoutlout scrunched up his face like a dried fig, then he shook it off.

The Chief had no more turned his back than Snoutlout turned to scheming. There had to be a way out of this particular odoriferous chore. Somebody had to be dumber than he was. He didn't need wonder long, because downwind from the cesspit came the continuous accusations of Tuffnut and Ruffnut, arguing again. THEY were just dumb enough to actually empty the cesspit.

Walking up to his sometimes friends, Snotlout leapt into spiel, providing them no opportunity to talk back. "The Chief wants an important task done, and he's going to reward whoever does it. I would do it, but I have to go floss my dragon. That means that one of you two will have to get the envious job. The only problem is, I can't figure out who."

"It should be me," said Ruffnut. "I'm the responsible one."

"No, you're not. I am," said Tuffnut . "And chicken agrees with me."

"He doesn't get a vote."

"Since when?"

"Since always!"

"Whoah," said Snotlout, calming down the eternally embattled twins. "This is serious. Whoever gets the job has to promise, and I mean promise on Thor, that they'll do the job. I can't risk you getting pulled away on some other job first. This has to be done today."

"Wrestle!" yelled Ruffnut, grabbing her brother. In mere seconds, she flung him to the ground, hauling his arm back while kneeing his back.

She didn't spot the chicken. A second later, he reversed his fortune, shoving her face into ground while punching her helmet. "Oww!!"

"Okay. I give," resigned Ruffnut.

Tuffnut bounced up. "Ha. Superior as always. Even chicken wouldn't bet on you winning."

Ruffnut brushed herself off, "Yeah, well, you're going to louse it up anyway, and then you'll come begging to me for help. Just you go on."

"Oh, yeah?"


Snoutlout had to step between the two to stop a revival of the argument. This was usually a stupid move, but he was desperate. "Here's the shovel. Take it. Do you see the cesspit? That has to get emptied out."

Before Tuffnut could say a word, Ruffnut fell down laughing. "What an idiot!"

Tuffnut look cross for just a bit, then folded his arms. "Well, I'm not doing it.".

Snoutlout sparkled with glee. "But you promised on Thor!"

"Oh ... scrambled eggs," pouted Tuffnut.

Ruffnut cackled twice as hard. This time, the chicken fell laughing as well.

Pretending bravery, Tuffnut looked over to the cesspit then looked at his shovel, then looked back at his cesspit, and wondered if there was some less undignified way to the do the job. In that second, his brain worked in the same way that even a broken clock is right twice per day.

"Barf and Belch, get over here!" From nearby, their dragon, a two-headed hideous zippleback, landed next to him. "Gas and spark."

Snoutlout realized his doom only moments before the dragons let out its belch of horrid green gas, quickly followed by a spark from its mouth. The ensuing explosion blew the entire cesspit a hundred feet into the air, raining offal over the entire village.

The Chief stuck his head out of the door, only to get a large, brown glob hitting him in the face. Wiping it off, he screamed, "Snoutlout!"

"Bye!" screamed Snotlout, running for his dragons.

Ruffnut laughed again, wiping the brown off her face. She gave her brother a high-five. "That was cool!"

"That was superior thinking, even if I do say so myself."

The chicken clucked.

"Exactly," said Tuffnut.
Tags: fiction

  • Moving to DreamWidth

    For those heading to DreamWidth, I've created an account. I'm dmilewski.

  • Prostitution as a Means of Family Planning

    Does prostitution constitute a method of family planning? If a man doesn't want more children, then instead of having sex with his wife, he has sex…

  • The Swordbearer (1982)

    The Swordbearer (1982) by Glen Cook is the dark fantasy version of a YA novel. If you know Glen's writing style, you'll recognize the disaster about…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded