When I began attending SF conventions, I felt awkward and out of place, but not too out of place. Folks were having fun with the books and shows at hand, and that was all good to me. What I didn't find was "my tribe." As time passed, I felt less at home with such cons rather than more at home. I can go into many reasons, but the one that I'll focus on today is Aspergeriness. (Is that even a word?)
I think that the world of Fantasy and SF tends to attract folks on the Asperger spectrum. When my peeps over on a social network took an Aspergeriness test, many of them posted notable numbers, but not me. No, I was way down in the normalish range. And that is my clue as to why I felt out of place, of why such a place was not my tribe. The reason is that cons, with their higher Aspergeriness concentrations, provided a tribe for a scattered people. These people felt akin because for the first time in their life, they were akin. It is their very inclusion that left me out. I like the same things as they did, but not in the same way. I enjoyed the same passtimes, but not in the same way. I enjoyed jokes, but not the same jokes, and not in the same way. I had these loves, but not the same loves. So in the midst of my favorite things, I felt isolated. I felt that I had no place in cons. A cruel joke had been had, for the person out of place was me.
That's not everything of course, as cons are not without their vast reams of bad human behaviors, but I do think that it's a key thing.
As to who is my tribe, I still don't know the answer to that question. I've thrown bottles at that question for years, only to get lots of broken bottle.
