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All Men

Let's talk about 'not all men.' More specifically, let's tall about THOSE MEN, because they are the elephant in the room and no female and by extension, no male can run from.

Let's do some statistics. (I'm making up the numbers). Let's assume that an aggressive man, the most entitled (the most aggressive 20%), approaches 100 women per time unit. Let's assume that the next 20% approach 50, the third 20, the fourth 10, and the fifth 5. Add the numbers up, and you'll find that the most aggressive men out-approach all other groups of men.

What does that mean? That means that most women will have their view of the world shaped by these most aggressive men. Even though they are in the minority, their aggressiveness puts them into a representative majority, doing a disservice to everyone. I don't have to explain how they do a disservice to women. We already know what they do. No, what I'm going to tell you is that what they do to make the lives of other men miserable.

You see, aggressive men have a great deal of experience with being aggressive, and so they train women to deal with that aggression. Into this battlefield comes men who aren't prepared for that that level of conflict at all, who don't have great experience with the arms race, and yet must navigate the hazards to see any success.

I've seen this in action. I once had a woman that I was interested in spend a year trying to figure out what game I was playing. In the end, she figured out that I wasn't playing a game, I was just interested in her. That is not a commentary on myself, it is a commentary on a world where a woman is forced to assume that all men are playing games, and 50% of the time, if not more, she'll be correct.

So, do you know who those most aggressive men harm? They make life lousy for everyone who isn't them. They make it hard for average Joe to meet average Jane. And who is the average Joe likely to blame for his great unsuccess?

Some men blame themselves, giving up.

Some men blame themselves, throw spaghetti at the wall, and eventually get lucky.

Some men blame themselves, imitate the most aggressive men, and add to the problem.

Some men blame the women, not knowing that their problem is actually with other men, and add to the problem.

What's to be done about this? Unless you can solve high levels of testosterone, I don't know what you can do. The thing is, this sort of thing used to be limited by who you could talk to, but with the internet, the touch of the super-aggressive male has expanded exponentially. For all intents and purposes, in the digital world, they are on their way to becoming all men.


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May. 28th, 2014 01:32 pm (UTC)
The fact that some of the aggressive men can fake being nice complicates things. Then there are the manipulative men who do play games and that complicates things further.

I don't think it is entirely an issue of high levels of testosterone (though that is likely a component for some people). I think that it is a societal thing. Females are trained to be quiet, nice, polite, pretty, helpless and to focus on giving of them selves and helping to smooth things over. Males are trained to be aggressive and self-focused. I'm not saying all males and females are trained this way, nor am I saying that the training sticks 100% of the time. However, I have seen it over and over in how people interact with children. How often have we heard "boys will be boys" when they scuffle and fight. How often are boys encouraged to play football (where aggression is rewarded) instead of dancing or art or music?

Compound that with the literature and movie and TV tropes of "if you keep pushing she will say yes and enjoy it" or "a man who doesn't fight for what he wants is a failure" or "she only says no to be seen to be proper" or "she was asking for it the way she looked/talked/dressed/walked"? There is a reason that some people think that the thing to do is get people to realize that all children need to learn that No applies to them and that it is a final answer and that consent is required for certain things.

When people complain that a rapist life was ruined by the pressing of charges and blame the girl for testifying, we have a major societal problem that goes beyond the hormone levels in some people's bodies.
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