Douglas Milewski (dacuteturtle) wrote,
Douglas Milewski

Dumping and Getting Dumped On

I was reading an exchange a few days ago. It was about guys who stop being friends with girls who won't have sex with them.

I have a few beliefs about friends and associations. Anybody has the right to stop association with another person for any reason. That's the only rule that works. If a woman gives the friends speech to a man, does that then obligate the man to remaining friends? Is he now forced to stay friends? For how long? Under what circumstances?

Of course he's not forced to stay friends, and that's my point. The refusal of an advance does not trigger an obligation. Hoping to keep a man your friend does not guarantee that a man will stay your friend.

I say this as a person who's been dumped many kinds of bad ways and likewise dumped others. They may not have been classy ways, and some of them flat out refused to speak with me any more, and I them, but we each have the same rights of associating with each other. We associate at will. Nothing else is acceptable.

The sex part? Irrelevant. Did you know that players give you five minutes, and if they don't think they're going to get sex, they move on? Yeah, five minutes. Players don't even try to make friends. Many men don't even pretend to being friends, they just go straight to blatantly interested, and if shot down, move on.

As best as I can tell, the type of guys who make friends with girls and work up to asking them out are INTROVERTS. After they get the friends speech, they back way off, as they completely misunderstood the relationship and they can't trust their guts on how to interact with the woman any more. They have to distance themselves. These men, these men who don't have much dating experience, these men who are actually trying to get to know the woman, have somehow gotten labeled as "terrible" for getting their social asses handed to them and slinking away. No, they're just introverts.

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