Douglas Milewski (dacuteturtle) wrote,
Douglas Milewski

Hers Truly Goes to Jupiter

One day, you got on a rocket and went up to outer space. Whoosh. You decided to go to Jupiter, which is in the outer solar system. So you turned your engines on, *whoosh*, took off, then flew out past the moon and out past Mars. Then, you had to dodge and weave through all the asteroids. Finally, you made it to Jupiter with its big red spot.

On Jupiter, you visited the Splurbs. They were big people, with one red eye in the middle of their foreheads, just like Jupiter. They welcomed you in the traditional manner of the splurbs: they splurbed you. Everyone splurbed you. But only the king of the Splurbs got to splurb you on the tummy, because that is a royal privilege. The King Ganymede said, "We must make Joy feel welcome. Bring her crackers." And they brought your all kinds of crackers: saltine crackers, Ritz crackers, wheat crackers, firecrackers, Christmas crackers and wise-crackers. You ate so many crackers that you couldn't eat another bite.

Well, soon you were done visiting the Splurbs and you got back into your rocket. Whoosh, you started up your rocket and racked through asteroid belt veering left and veering right.

When you were near Mars, you got ambushed by space pirates. The Martian space pirates were the most terrible space pirates in the whole solar system. They heard that pirates wore eye patches across one eye. These pirates were so terrible that they were eye patches over both eyes. Yes, they were that terrible. They boarded your ship and demanded all your treasure, but you didn't have any treasure. Fortunately, there's something that pirates love almost as much as treasure, and that's food. They took all your crackers back to their ship. They ate and ate the crackers. They opened the Christmas crackers, put on the crowns, and played with the toys. They blurted out wisecrackers. They tried throwing their firecrackers outside, but there was no air in space so they didn't do anything. Eventually, as they were very full and very tired, all the pirates went to sleep.

Now, you had a chance to get free. With all the pirates were sleeping, you took all their treasure and got back on your own rocket. Then whoosh, you came home.

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