October 27th, 2002

Macbeth the Usurper


I want enjoying Angel this week. Cordellia's gained a little weight, and oh does she looks sooo good. Yum.

Cordie's been reminding me of Heather, who I dated for a while. The bodyshape and the hairstyles are so very similar. *sigh* Heather was very nice to look at. She had that healthy, curvy shape. I enjoyed lusting over her. I dated her for about three months, socially, before any of the hanky panky started. I met her though a personals ad. I thought that she was a complete artsy flake. Never having dated one of those before, I thought it would be fun.

Heather's asked me if I was gay on the first date. That turned out to be something of a theme with her. As far as I could tell, about 1/2 the population was gay in her opinion. Once the relationship got going, she got more and more afraid of me turning gay. In fact, she got more and more insecure. This was so odd to me, as the first three months had been so relaxed and easygoing.

The whole time I dated her, I had this pit on my stomach or in my chest. Something never sat right with me. After a whole lot of thinking, I realized a whole lot. I did not like the way that she treated others behind their back. She did not talk nicely. She cut people down. I did not like her irresponsible attitude towads work. She bucked her responsibilies. She blamed others wherever possible.

Her artistry proved to be disappointing. Quite simply, she was sloppy. She did not put enough work into her work. I could not respect that.

She had more hangups than I could count. Those wore me down, in and out of bed. Her friend once referred to her as Heather Commotion-In-Motion. That's a very good descriptive. Couple that with an amazingly high-school attitude towards most things, and you can see how she was trouble for both herself and others.

Quite honestly, I think she was a latent drama queen who never got from the the drama that she so craved in a relationship. I am not much of an arguer or a fighter, and that's the kind of relationship that she was comfortable in. When the day came where she said, "You love me, you just won't say it," I knew that I was set up. I could not let her put words into my mouth. I am tolerant about many things, but you better no make a lier of me.

The next morning, I explained that she was not my forever girl. She did not like that and pretty much threw me out of her flat. She was angry. I was shellshocked by her reaction. We talked a few times after that, but never really made our ammends. In hindsight, I can't say that I am sorry.

I do miss her sometimes. She could be such good company. She certainly made me appreciate good hips on a woman. She had many good qualities. Unfortuantely, her good qualities were just icing that hid a badly made cake.
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